The Health and Life Mixing Bowl

The Beauty of Poetry

Tree, originally uploaded by Adnan Yahya.

Everyone has gone through a “poetry phase”, most likely in high school or college when our romantic sensibilities are at their highest. As we come down to earth and learn to deal with day to day realities like grocery shopping and car payments, poetry fades in to the background, classed as impractical and pointless.

But poetry has an important place in our lives. It makes our minds focus on the depth of language, not just the breadth. A poem uses few words, but they are the essence of a idea—the rich juice of a concept.

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

--Joyce Kilmer. 1886–1918

There is plenty of poetry online, but I recommend getting a small book of verse and going out side to read and reflect. You might feel silly at first, but it is a great way to rediscover your inner romantic. He or she is not dead. Just buried under all that “important” stuff.

50 Gifts My Father Gave Me

Today my father would have turned 83.  There is one thing I will always cherish about my father:  No matter how many crazy ideas I entertained about what I wanted to do when I grew up, he patiently, and lovingly, held the intention of success.  Here are 50 nuggets of wisdom he left me:

1. Go for your passion
2. Live life in full color
3. Listen then speak
4. Get curious about human nature
5. Sow seeds of co-activity and collaboration
6. Be the fruits of goodness and kindness
7. Patience is a virtue
8. Life refinement is an art
9. Practice makes perfect
10. Be the gentle giant
11. An apple a day really does keep the doctor away
12. Forty five years of marriage is possible
13. It's okay to cry
14. It's okay to fail
15. It's never too late to do the thing you love (he became a substitute teacher after retiring)
16. Quitting is not an option
17. You are as good as your word
18. Exercise random acts of kindness
19. Tolerate nothing
20. Have no regrets
21. Golf is good for the soul
22. When your wife mistakenly hides your wallet, remain calm
23. When your spouse shrinks your very expensive sweater, remain calm
24. When your child wrecks the car, remain calm
25. Humor heals
26. Right-brain thinkers can master math
27. Family first, always...
28. Everything in moderation
29. There but for the grace of God go I
30. Forgive again and again
31. Love unconditionally
32. Don't wait to say "I love you"
33. Never study the night before an exam (this really worked for me during college)
34. Finish what you start
35. There is no such thing as being too tired when it comes to raising children
36. Pay it forward
37. Hold everyone in great regard
38. Make a difference
39. Be the solution
40. Consistency pays off
41. Live simply
42. Give back
43. Hug a lot
44. Love hard
45. Send handwritten letters to your loved ones
46. Be grateful in all circumstances
47. It's all small stuff
48. Walk your talk
49. Let your life speak
50. Begin with the end in mind

Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation

Is "Selfish" A Bad Word for Moms?

A post for all the wonderful mothers who read The Health and Life Mixing Bowl....

We teach our children that being selfish is not nice. “Share your toys with your sister!” “Give someone else a turn!” “Be generous!” But is being selfish all that bad?

My daughter is an only child. When she was very young, sharing was a huge challenge for her. Frustrated by her unwillingness to “play nicely”, I spoke with a friend who told me that being selfish is not always a bad thing. She pointed out that a reasonable degree of selfishness gives children a stronger sense of self.  It also heightens their awareness of who they are and what is important to them and it allows them to stand up for their needs, wants and desires. Letting a child exercise a little selfishness does not mean freeing their inner narcissistic, egotistical tyrant, but it means giving them a reasonable amount of “me” time and making it okay to do so.

So I listened to the advice of my friend and decided to experiment with this “no sharing” thing. It was a little weird at a play date to announce that it was okay for my daughter not to share, but my shifted perspective on selfishness made the decision a little easier. Besides, I was instilling the value of “the world does not revolve around you” and teaching her the importance of being sensitive to the needs of others. Fortunately, the “no sharing” experiment did not destroy my daughter’s life and I can proudly report that I have a very smart, self-confident, well-adjusted nine year old.  I admire her ability to set personal boundaries while remaining sensitive and highly responsive to others.

Drawing parallels to motherhood, I believe moms who exercise a reasonable and responsible degree of selfishness make better caregivers. Euphemistically speaking, a little bit of “me” time does a mom good! Being a little “selfish” helps us set boundaries, gives us a stronger sense of self, and allows us to remain empathetic and responsive to those we care for. Most importantly, “me” time keeps us connected to our whole self, not just our role of mother.

Here are four things moms should find “me” time for:

Regular exercise. Exercise helps to reduce stress, keeps you in great shape and gives you more energy, a rare commodity for moms. Motherhood is a tough, demanding, and unforgiving job and every bit of energy helps.  Without exception, all moms should make “me” time for exercise and movement!

Leisure and play. Even if it lacks extravagance, moms need time to themselves to enjoy life away from the kids. Too many moms make the mistake of making the children’s leisure time their leisure time. Engage in a hobby. Go get a manicure. Spend an afternoon with your girlfriends. Close the bedroom door and take a bubble bath. Do not wait until the kids are grown and out of the house.  By this time you might forget who you really are outside of your role as mother.  Let the fun, excitement and adventure begin now!

Preventive screenings and exams. The importance of getting regular check-ups cannot be over emphasized and being busy with the kids is a dangerous excuse.  Start by finding out what preventive exams and screenings you need and when you need them.  Visit this site:

Screening Tests and Immunizations Guidelines for Women

Reflection time. Being a mom can sometimes feel like a non-stop flight to nowhere. Forget the guilt trip when it is time to put on the brakes! Recharging your battery and reflecting on your role as mother can help you gain a sense of control. Take the time to reconnect with your choice to become a mother. Here are some soul-searching and grounding questions that can bring joy and purpose back to the plight:

What do you ultimately want for your children?

What is most important about your role of mother?

At the end of the day, what is most important to your family?

When moms take the time to get their physical, emotional and spiritual needs met, they can fully give to others. But the real prize in exercising “me” time lies in nourishing innate gifts, talents and resources. By creating a setting in which you can grow, develop and evolve, you can make a wonderful contribution to yourself and to those for whom you care for. After all, isn’t that what motherhood is all about?

This post is also featured at Go Workout Mom.  Thanks, Cindy!

Give to Others While You Search

Here's a new easy way to raise money for your favorite cause. Just start using GoodSearch.com as your search engine and online shopping mall. GoodSearch donates 50-percent of its revenue to the charities and schools designated by its users.  You use GoodSearch exactly as you would any other search engine. Because it’s powered by Yahoo!, you get proven search results. The money GoodSearch donates to your cause comes from its advertisers — the users and the organizations do not spend a dime!  This is great stuff.  Spread the word!

What We Don't See....At First

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow...

A few weeks ago, Life Coach Terri facilitated a workshop for a staff of thirty at The Pearl Spa in Fulton, MD.    The workshop was designed to build cohesiveness, camaraderie and moral, all the usual outcomes businesses are looking for.  During the workshop, I asked the group to scan the room and notice what they didn't see.  In a room full of beautiful massage therapists, estheticians, and manicurists, it was hard to see beyond what was apparent.  The room got very quiet.  There were a few chuckles.  A lot of confused faces.   I thought I had bombed!  But as I began to take the group through the next exercise, things began to shift.    The exercise involved each employee taking two minutes to share a meaningful life story.    Person by person, story by story, each employee shared values of connectedness, community, creativity, growth, independence, excellence, service, accomplishment, spirituality, determination, integrity, beauty, nature, risk taking.  The list of values went on and on.  As each employee spoke, I wrote their values on a round cut out in the shape of a pearl.  One by one, each "pearl" was placed on a 20"x32" board to form a necklace.  As the necklace began to take shape, cheers broke out, laughter was heard, and tears were shed. What we didn't see at first began to illuminate the entire room. 

What holds us back from seeing the beauty in others? 

What about the beauty within ourselves?

What's Your Prada?

I have been so busy and so behind on movies, but yesterday I made it my business to actually sit down and watch The Devil Wears Prada.  Although "simplicity" is the operative word when it comes to my closet, this movie gave me a deeper appreciation for high fashion.  Individualistic, unique, and downright outrageous, fashion gives us a little permission to color outside the lines.   

The movie made me think of Coco Chanel, one of the pioneers of fashion.  Chanel was a rule-breaker, a rebel, a non-conformist.  Chanel's courageous authenticity shaped the fashion industry into what it is today.  There's a great quote from Chanel in the book The Portable 7 Habits "Choice" (great little book).  I thought I would share it as a take-away from the movie:

"I invented my life by taking for granted that everything I did not like would have an opposite, which I would like.  Fashion is not simply a matter of clothes.  Fashion is in the air, born upon the wind.  One intuits it.  It is in the sky and on the road."

What is your intuition about your unique contribution to the world and to yourself?  What rules are you hesitant to break?  What would happen if you colored outside the lines?  I bet you'll look fabulous!

Becoming Healthier: Love What You Do

My husband sits on the board of directors for a non-profit that provides affordable housing for economically disadvantaged seniors.  Last weekend, we attended their annual fund raiser that tastefully celebrated the spirit and feel of Tuscany.  The evening was replete with Puccini, pasta, and Prosecco.  Included was an opera singer who serenaded dinner guests.    Everyone at our table noticed how the opera singer, presumably on his night job, was really enjoying his "gig".  I reached over and whispered in my husband's ear, "He must have a life coach."  We both smiled.   This moment fell on the heels of hearing a commentary on NPR by Mark Peter Hughes who left his job to write novels for teenagers.  Days before I listened to a moving story on Patrice Gaines, an award-winning reporter for the Washington Post, who left the big city in exchange for the simpler life in South Carolina.  And yesterday, I was delighted to see an article in the Washington Post that featured a colleague, and her husband, who own a coaching practice that cooks up exit strategies for fed up executives.   Am I sensing a trend?  As Mark mentioned in his commentary, if someone would have asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, it probably wouldn't have been the Director of Analytic Services at a health care data company.  As a health coach, the subject of vocation invariably crops up while working with clients, and most often when health improvement has been a life-long struggle.  Here is the amazing thing:  When other life issues fall into place, health issues mysteriously disappear.  Twenty pounds fall off.  The diet becomes healthier.  People begin to take care of themselves.  Perhaps, with primary needs being met, and a newfound connection with a true calling,  there is no longer the need to abuse the body in order to feel satisfied.  Perhaps finding something you love to do is one of the subtler realities of health improvement.  If a radical, but fulfilling, move is on your radar screen, you might be disappointed to learn that you just missed the 2007 open auditions for the New York City Rockettes.  I'll remind you next year.